worried sick.

I have lost my appetite. Have been eating only a meal a day, or not eat at all. Forced myself to eat most of the time. This morning I was left alone at home to do the housework, and then Sis called me from Alfiah and asked me to go downstairs to eat. She was already there and was waiting for me. So when I went to mirror to tidy up, I was beyond appalled to see an incredibly pale face looking back at me. Vair vair pale. I must have looked like a zombie in the broad daylight. Then I had a craving for Nasi Sambal Goreng, but then when Sis went to the mama shop to buy it, there was none left.

Had to resort to Red Bull for temporary energy charge, but I nearly puked when I was in the lift.

The house is always in a mess, the kids are fucking irritating and are always making a lot of noise, I'm getting beyond stressed and there's no one for me to lend a shoulder for me to rant.

I'm feeling so restless and helpless. I wanted to tell Di about this that had been agitating me, but he gave me no chance cos he was continuously talking about his bro's accident, and I had to keep mum about it. So I had to end the call early to give me a little space. Anyway he has already broken up with that motherfucking bitch, so at least there was one burden lifted off my shoulder.

Maybe I'm too worried sick about Embah's condition. But on top of it, I've been thinking about a lot stuffs lately. I'm down under the wheel at the moment.

I will be going to the hospital again later in the evening, as soon as Mom gets back home from her visit to Embah, cos apparently there's no one there to look after her (except for the nurses) as my other aunt who had stayed overnight has gone home to recharge and others will be coming in the late evening.