I had accidentally abandoned this blog for almost 2 weeks? Eh?
A series of things happened. Bad. I'm being punished now, you know?
My right wrist is slightly dislocated, I think? Cos it feels like , being hammered each time I try to move it.
I'm typing using 10 fingers and 1 wrist. Can you believe that I'm actually rising my right arm to minimise the pain?

I hate my life now. I'm faking a calm facade. But do you know how much misery I'm suffering inide?
No I don't intend to sound so emo here, but look, I can't help it.
It's not that often you read about it right.
So I'm sorry. I don't want to sound very typical, but I really mean it when I say that my life sucks now.

O levels. I can't help but to brood over my papers.
I couldn't focus.
I was exhausted- mentally, physically and emotionally.
Ended up sleeping through my papers while others are furiously writing, covering almost 3/4 of the initially white papers with dark ink.
Normally I have two papers in one day, each of a different timing.
Like one in the morning, and the next in the afternoon.
During the long intermission I find a quiet place somewhere to sleep again, before realising that it was already 15 minutes to the next paper.
And that was when it struck to me that I was late, and I ended up losing at least 15 minutes for the duration of my paper.

What happened next is such a bore.
Had to head home and get scolded by either parent.
If not mom, it'll be dad. And it's harsher.
Sometimes I ended up with tears rolling down my cheeks and slit my wrist.
Or other else just cry myself to sleep till tomorrow.

It has been continuing for some time now.
I'm gradually losing interest in things that I used to love to do.
Like, going out, meeting up with my best girls.
Going online, listening to songs, watch MTV the whole day.
There was bound to be something that I anticipate.
But now, no more.
The interest just faded.
Nevertheless my interest towards Pretty Children and Hero Bacin never did.
Cos my current situation is my main hindrance to meet them.

Sometimes I wish life is like what it used to be.
I longed for the joy of going out with her, the craziness and the hyperness.
And I missed the times we camwhored using her huge digital camera, which I knew she bought a new slick one recently.
I longed for the happiness we feel when we were together.
The love we had for each other.
The patience, the care, and the concern.
Friendship built since the first day she sat beside me in band room, constantly peeking into my band theory book.
Ever since that, my eyes never got off her.
She caught my attention since then.
Lately, reading her blog gives me this sinking feeling.
She is already leading a happy life, surrounded by a new best friend and her beloved significant other who are there for her, each time she needs one.
Someone she knew will be there for her at the best of times.
I'm sorry I couldn't do so.
I used to, and I couldn't provide a satisfactory reason why I couldn't do so now.
I never want to ask you to understand my situation now,
it will show you that I'm selfish, and self-centered.

And to the other one,
that girl whom I see myself in her,
who is my mirror,
I can't help but missing you so bad.
The times we had.
The moments we shared.
Good or bad, you went through it all with me.
That girl who I came running to when I felt scared, and helpless.
The one who comforted me with all her words.
I wished I could be there for her ALL THE TIME.
I know how it felt to be rejected.
And turned down at.
Disappointment.
I love you girl, I really do.

If only time gives me more space and opportunity, I will savour every minute of it with pure joy and happiness.

Dad had confiscated my phone.
And robbed my freedom.
No more going out.
My life is confined at home.
Housework. Housework. Housework.
Wtf, am I a robot in their eyes?
plaguing me with all the bloody housework in the world.
I mean, come on, not that I don't wanna do them.
But I don't get any appreciation at all.
In the end, I got more scoldings for not doing more.
But I've tried my best.

Dad claimed that he read my blog.
I doubt he really did.
I'm not stupid.
He don't even know my link here.
He never reads my blog.
Cos he don't know and I can't believe he had to lie.
Such a contradicting allegation cos he always accused me for lying.

On the other hand,
I wanted to just kneel down to my parents and apologize for my wrongdoings.
But I let my pride get in my way.
And I thought I'll feel embarassed for doing so.
And I'm feeling this overwhelming ego in me.
Cos I know I'll cry and it will make me look pathetic.
And also make me look weaker than I already am.

There goes my life again.
At this point of time it's best to run away.
And never come back.