Chequie,

School was a drag today. For some reasons I wasn't exactly in my mood so my quietness kinda took over me. But soon after recess I was already oh-kay, so no worries except for something that still bothers me though.

Mira was super cute during recess. She was so serious doing her maths questions that she couldn't even be distracted by my silly antics. And when I blew a flying kiss to her, she just simply shook me off jokingly, haha quite cute but hey, where's your sense of humour? Haha cute lah you.

I broke my grounding rule today by lying to my mum that I have something on in school so that I can go out with Di. He also!

Told him for the umpteenth time to wear his NCC uniform but he still refused. Aaah you silly billy, I just wanna squeeze you hard. Talked about some matters and even a matter that I've never told any soul, but realising that it already happened to Di, why not I tell him the darn thing? So we talked and uhh, he PROMISED something to me in the bus. At that point of time he was holding my left hand tight, and warm, as he confessed something that instantaneously caused me to stir into a state of evaporation which made me nearly die of happiness. Something that he promised to do in a few years time, if God bless our relationship. I could see sincerity in his chinese eyes as he was searching for the right words to complete the blissful sentences. I had a hard time trying to put on a cool face at a nonchalant ease, but it's difficult to conceal my pure joy when his words zapped into my brain through direct current at high voltage. Naww I know you might say, "Aaah secondary school students are mainly involve in puppy love and that shit" but sometimes it applies the otherwise to a few couples. I'm afraid to say more, coz I might contradict what I say. At this point of time I just feel like hugging my bestfriends tight. Or in the other terms, my bridesmaids. (sp?) -.-

Something about his chinese eyes resulted me to drool over him. And the mind-blowing kiss. The intense desire to just hug him tight and not letting him to go home never ease whenever I look into his eyes. Naw, I don't want you to go home. Stay with me.

Ooh ouch. I accidentally slit my finger with my penknife. It hurts so bad that I nearly flung the canteen bench at Ah Leong. Innocent sia that girl.

Something tells me to throw myself out of the window.

Chequie,

Something to make my blog more colourful. =X



That solemn girl with register number 5 in sec 4/5!



Sleep sleep babies! RAWK-A-BYE BABYYYY.. WAKE ME UP, WHEN NOVEMBER ENDS! (cos 'O' levels over already mahhh!!) Hannie on the left, me on the right.



Hannie promoting Pantene Hair Moisturizer, it's in her hands, while I'm the extra one only.



IIIISSSSSWWWWAAANNNNNDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. ISWANDI. ISWANDI. ISWANDI. (Extreme bottom)



The olden times when my fringe makes me look like a Japanese girl. In the middle, btw.


****
Yeah. I'm reminiscing. Well, will post more images when I got hold of the keyboard, mouse, monitor and pc next time.

Chequie,

Today marks a day when my pent-up anger finally made it way out from my mouth. My big mouth.

I didn't go to school today, simply because I overslept and felt so lazy to get my bum off the bed and go shower. So, laziness took over me and hence, I slept all the way till 11 am. Some fucking clerk called home and asked me to write a bloody letter. But till now I still haven't touched the pen so, I haven't done so.

Nevertheless, SOMEONE right, like, SOMEONE, haha actually it's Di, went to make my absence seems to be a big issue. He was alerted by my absence only at 7.10 am, where he spent the past 55 minutes waiting for me under my void deck and occassionally 'guarded' the lift in case he saw me leaving for school. And he kept looking up at my window, and my kitchen window, man these things he did sounds like someone stalking me, man. But it's his patience and concern that matters. In the end he was late for school and started messaging my friends about my whereabouts and actually pleaded them to call me and update him. Until Hannie called me during recess time then he let out a sigh of relief. After school I met up with him and he voiced out his worries and I just gave him sheepish smiles. I'm that bad, man. Okayokay dear, I promise to be punctual tomorrow.

Then, around 5 pm, he got to leave. We were at the playground (childish!) and he was on the see-saw, I was sitting on the ground and when he was about to stand up, I just pulled and clung to his leg and didn't let it go until he finally sat down again. So I clung back to his leg until he shook me off (SAD!) and walked me to the lift. Hah and now this reminded me of an event few days ago, when I watched him trailed off from the lift, and approximately 5 metres away from me, I bleated and witnessed him turning around and ran to me while 'bashing' me up in the lift. PAIN. Gonna get my revenge back, though it happened a few days ago.

That's it. I'm gonna punch my brother right now for irritating me.

Chequie,

I hate mom today. Eh no, since yesterday. Ever since her PMS took over her few days ago, she had been screaming her head off over microscopic things. I'm so fed-up now, just feel like ________________. OKay that's it. She's screaming now.

YA.

For no apparent reason I'm feeling pissed off now. Like, real pissed off.

Congrats, bestfriend, you have found a soul mate, and coincidentally both of you got hitched today, also. 28th means a lot to us.

Chequie,

Yeah. So much for coming on time for school after breakfast with Di, and we ended up coming late. Like, realll late. So one of the councillors said that we won't be issued with late forms, but in the end, this stupid another councillor had to drag us to the general office and we ended up scribbling reasons on why we were late. KNN CCB. It's fucking frustating, I tell you. Di got off easily cos it's his 3rd time late. Whereas for me, it's my 5th time late. And do you know what's my punishment?

... I had to join the other latecomers who were late for the 5th and 6th time and we had to sing the National Anthem and recite the pledge 5 times (for 5th time offenders) and 6 times (for 6th time offenders).. I WAS FUCKING EMBARASSED OKAY. So I was telling the 'lead' to cheat and quickly finish the whole fuckin thing off, and he did! HAHA. And something more embarassing yet to come..

.... While standing in the middle of the parade square like an idiotic fool, singing the bloody thing, Di's class had to PASS THE PARADE SQUARE AND I WAS DOUBLY PAISEH AT THAT TIME I FELT LIKE RUNNING AWAY FROM THE PARADE SQUARE AND HIDE MYSELF INSIDE A TOILET BOWL. His friends saw me and WHAT THE HELL THEY COMMENTED THIS BLAH BLAH BLAH. Not forgetting my 'tornado hair' cos it's in a state of MESS.

PAISEH.

Ooh I cut my fringe. Now it looks like it got eaten off my mice.

Dah, gonna cry myself to sleep cos I miss my old fringe.

Chequie,

Oh hell, prelim results are terrifying! Well hey, SO SHOCKING! Urgh, don't even think of it. I'm so gonna drown myself into books, books, notes and more notes till I die of asphyxiation.

PREPOSTEROUS I TELL YOU!

Ok. Let me be lame today. So as usual, I went to school- *woke up late again* with him. He fetched me and hell, he's super crappy today. Ugh, Di. Then we decided to skip PE lesson together cos our PE lessons clash, and hang around together, the idea is cool, but the bad thing was that my class had to go to the computer lab during PE to do this stupid school survey (e.g how do you find your school? do you like your school?) yeah that kind of thing. It's absurd. So we didn't skip PE lesson today. Terrible.

For once, I didn't sleep during Maths period. I was diligently copying corrections at my own will. Geddit? Okay, so you got it.

First day of being grounded totally RAWK, not.

Oooh oooh and guess what? Just now, I saw that SOMEONE (the one that has been reading my blog) in the canteen with her fuckin boyfriend after school. Apparently I was alone at that time, and I happened to bump into her, and she, being the idiotic one, caught sight of me and deliberately clung (v?) to her oh-so-lovely boyfriend, like, so purposely I nearly pulled her ceramic-permed hair when I was 0.00000001cm away from her. Ugh, she's only a fucking secondary 3 immature piece of shit and yet she acted like an oh-so-big kind of sister. And PLEASE la girl, I don't, and never had feelings for your type-C boyfriend, cos he's simply not my type and actually ain't yours, either. So don't go around bitching with your fickle-minded buddies saying that "Oh, she loves my boyfriend.." yada yada yada. BLEAH. And hell, if she still have the personal conflict with her feelings, concluding that her boyfriend don't love her as much as before, why that sudden intimacy when she saw me? She's lying to herself, you know. Faking slut.

That's it. My dad's gonna kill me if I hog on any longer.

Chequie,

I got to announce this;

I'm officially grounded.

Something stupid I said and poof. The grounding notice is issued. None other by my most "BELOVED" dad in the whole wide world. And tomorrow I'm gonna die of boredom.

"YAY." I'm so "happy." That's it. I hope this grounding thingy brings a major significance in my life. For an example, helps me to buck up and quickly go and mug the moment I get home and get straight Bs for my 'O's. It better be or I'll fly to Cambridge and kill the markers.

Expect a major/minor change in me from tomorrow onwards, 26th of September 2005. You might notice it, depending on how well you know me.

I want need, oh hell, kill a lot of people right now. Fuck, my anger is rising, shit, it's so fucking irritating. Annoyance, even a mild one, shall not be tolerated, coz it makes me so fed-up I nearly want to strangle that irritator.

Oooh ooh someone reads my blog! And I mean, it's SOMEONE.. ooh ooh!

And to that someone;
Please be reminded that I'm not in love with your fucking boyfriend but instead, I only love my only boyfriend named Muhammad Iswandi Bin Mohd. Nor. Please get this into your head, my dear. No way am I going to love/like/admire your boyfriend, ever. And you should know that your beloved boyfriend love you a lot, and I mean, A LOT, so don't feel insecure about your boyfriend's 'TRUE LOVE' to you. Geddit? Eww. I'm purely disgusted.







**3 more days to my 6th month anni. WOOT WOOT i love you a lot. And hell, I MEAN A LOT.
<3

Hmm. Dah that's it, I got no life. Lucky to those friends of mine who have dates with their boyfriends/flings/bestfriends and go watch movie tomorrow or whatsoever.




Mass memorandum, broken into pieces.

Chequie,

GIRLS;

Dearest Amira and Hanisah,

There's just one thing I wanna tell you girls; I may not be there for you for 24 hours, cos Amira, you've got Bunny (for a good 24 hours, as mentioned in your blog. Most of your time are spent with him anw), and Hanisah, you've got Mimi (whom you will marry one day.), and the inevitable fact is, I have Di. We may lead our own lives with someone else, and spend less time with each other, but I just want to let you know that,

"YOU'RE MY BEST GIRLS FOREVER AND EVER AND FOR ETERNITY."

One day we havta have a date, only three of us and cast aside all insecurities and personal gossips.

Chequie,

That's it. I'm dead. I fell down while alighting from the bus. And I'm not gonna board bus 17 ever again. I died of embarassment.

AMIRUL owes me something.

Okay. Woo. I can't breathe. Aaah.

Swimming was fun. Nearly drowned cos my feet couldn't feel the ground. Anw I'm an atrocious swimmer. I was laughing my ass off when watching Hannie doing the dead man's float cos she looked funny. And she was puzzled. Nevertheless, it was fun- except for a few banglas who kept staring at us. -.- Initially the water was very dirty, but then it rained, and the currents swept the litter aside. Then we had clleeann water. So happy.

PRELIMS ARE OVERRRRRR.

12 bites.

Chequie,

5 minutes before Geog paper ended, I slept. One minute later..

"Tap-tap!"

(In my heart): KNN CCB MOTHERFUCKING BITCH KNN CAN DON'T DISTURB ME?!

I looked up and saw Cikgu asking me to check my work. KNN, my eyes began to adjust to the bright light and then I just tied the fuckin thang and then looked around. Woo. The people were all furiously writing, squeezing last minute thoughts before they were asked to put the fucking pens down. Gosh. You guys must have used up all the papers. Gee.

Phy/Bio MCQ tomorrow. Okay, gonna do 1000 MCQs now.

Chequie,

Fuck it. I'm fuckin distracted, so much for wanting to study Maths today. Ended up idling the whole afternoon, playing Gameboy. Aaah. Was lying down in bed playing that ultimate distracting ever game, Harvest Moon. Aah. RAAAAAWWWRRRRRRRR. Now I still wanna play that game, but I NEED TO STUDY YOU MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTS!

Woo. Thanks Di, for lending me that game and distracted my whole life away. Gonna kill you tomorrow.





Cute abs. <3

Chequie,

Something pisses me off. I knew I shouldn't have told you, but seeing that you're my bestfriend, I can't afford not to let you know, esp when someone criticised you like shit. I defended you, but then.. Remember our bestfriend policy? Anyway it's good that I told you that, coz you lashed out a confession. A truth. Gee, thanks a lot friend. I really needed that.

Ah, just to let you know, that I step cute more than Hannie, you know? Ah yes. HAPPY BANGET BODO AKU. SUNGGOH HAPPY TAK TERKATA. "YAY."

Chequie,

That's it. I'm fuckin sick. I couldn't hear my voice this morning and it took me a lot of effort to get my frog voice back. And now, I'm a sneezing machine. Had been sneezing a lot. I nearly sneezed my cat away, poor Blackie. He was terrified by my loud sneeze and hurriedly moved its paws into the room. Ah and it suddenly occured to me that, sneezing with your eyes open will make your eyeballs pop out and *poofs*! Both eyeballs will make their way out of your eye sockets. REALLY! When I sneezed, I kept imagining my eyeballs shooting out if I kept my eyes open. Ooh. So if I were to sneeze when doing my prelim paper in the hall, and I keep my eyes open when sneezing, the studs will all see two eyeballs rolling down the floor and die of shock. Ooh nice trick, but it involves a permanent blindness to me uh.

Eish. Crap.

Tsai Wen Jun, Siti Raihanah Bte Ahmad and Goh Mei Juan, this is specially dedicated to you;

YOU GIRLS ARE NNNOOTTTT FAT!!!!!




=))

Chequie,

I'm digging an early grave for me, myself and I.

Don't ask me why. Simply because I already screwed up Phy paper. And F&N paper, which I spent 1 hour out of 2 hours looking behind, scanning everyone who were doing the paper. Stressed faces everywhere. Besides that, I was dreaming. Ooh ooh.

I'm a sneezing machine for today and tomorrow. Be warned. AAAAHHHHHHH-CHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Shoulder strained. Pain. Ouch.

Dah. Going to die now.

Chequie,

Woke up pretty late and rushed to the hospital. I was shabbily dressed and was practically sleeping in the waiting room. The psychiatrist's pretty cool, and good-looking. He was very nice to me, asking me to lay out everything in my mind. My sore throat contributed to my husky voice, making me sound like a transsexual. -.- He even joked that I'm schizophrenic because from the things I talked to him about, it mainly describes me being in my own world. But blah, he's joking.

What can mild depression do to you? I didn't ask him any further though it seriously concerns me. I don't wanna sound stupid, though I already am. But curiosity kills the cat.

Ooh. And he asked me whether I prefer therapy talks instead of medication because the medication that he prescribed is mainly for the 'elderly' (20 yrs and above) and my cases are very rare. Shocked again.

Okay. That is all. Good luck for Physics paper tomorrow.

Chequie,

EL papers are okay. If Mrs Lee told me to write a lot in Paper 1, I think I may win the Academy Awards for writing super-nonsense stuff in the paper. At least I don't waste half an hour sleeping now because I ended the papers 5 minutes before the invigilators told us to put down our fucking pens. Nevertheless I'm still not confident of getting at least a decent pass because I was extremely drowsy when doing Paper 2 and became a star karat because Hannie and I entered the Hall late when everybody already settled down.

Ooh, speaking of this, I called Hannie in the middle of the Hall using Ah Leong's handphone. Makes me feel like someone special. The people were looking at me. Ah. She was crying at the other line. Chill Hannie, at least I called you. =)

After the paper, went back home, only to know that I have counselling with Mr. Zim and I made my way there, sleeping in the bus. It was a torture, bursting into tears when I told him everything. He asked me to make an appointment with the hospital tomorrow to sought help from a psychiatrist. I was trembling, and shocked. That far? To that stage? Well, I went back home and made an appointment. They still accepted me.

That is all. I'm sick.

Chequie,

Practical exam is over. I screwed it up. Both.

Ended up doing the practical for 1 hour and spent the rest of the time mixing Benedict's solution, Iodine solution, the green plant and its seeds and the solution-absorbed potato strips into a beaker of warm water. Stirred them and it kinda tempted me to drink it. It looks awesome. Mr Lee was staring at me at the point I'm mixing the things like a witch adding weird stuffs into a cauldron. Boo.

That's all.

Chequie,

It's 1.40 am in the morning and I still could not get my ass to bed.

Woooooo is it just me or my cat is really laying sprawled on the floor? -.-

I feel like jumping out from the window.

Or pretend to be Samurai Jack using my penknife. *waachhhaaaaaaaa!*

Somehow I want to be Bubbles and fly all the way to Australia to stroke some sheeps. And dye my hair to brunette but keep on tying into two cute ponytails.

Well, maybe digging a 6-foot deep ground will be an ideal place for me to stay for my lifetime.

Or maybe sleeping with my boobs squashed on the mattress will be my chosen position for tonight.

No, I think I'll be spreading Nutella on Marie's choco biscuits will be what I'm gonna do later.

But at the same time I suggested that I should go outside and watch Cartoon Network till 6 am.

Naw, I feel like climbing that tree right infrontof my house.

But hell no, I like it if I used my body spray and pretend to be Rob Thomas and sing 'Disease'.

.............

After effects of too much mugging, I guess.

Well I think I should shut up now and go to sleep. With neither of my boobs squashed on the matress or still allow my eyesight to be worsened further.

Chequie,

I feel so left out.

Okay. Practical exam is like, 11 hours ahead. Doooosh. It's scary. For 6 hours today, I mugged on Physics. I've been memorising the shitty info so much, I nearly went crazy. Talked crap to mom and Di. Even to Hannie. Those things that I studied better come out for the paper or else I'll burn down Mr Lee's house. It's irritating, dude. Have been munching a lot of choco biscuits in bed, I guess I'll have uninvited guests wandering around my body later at night. Oooh roaches. Yummy.

Woooo. Will be having breakfast with Hannie tomorrow before the practical. Initially she wanted McDonalds, but I strongly and clearly emphasised on my "don't like-ness" for McDonald's breakfast, coz as you know, you can have all the sugar or salt or pepper (self-service), and as you can see, I always take more than 20 sticks of sugar everytime I go there and flood my hot tea with 20 sticks of sugar. Oo so I became sugar high, got sleepy and talks thrash. So despite Hannie intending to become a sugar-controller tomorrow, we finally decided to eat at Alfiah. But I made a last minute decision to eat at Inspirasi. Or stalls there. So poof. Woooo. I loike.

Woooooooooooo. Fuck you babe.

Bits of convo between me and Di; (both of us were drunk at this time.)

Me: I'll be sleeping at 10.45pm. Will you promise to sleep with me?
Di: I will, if there's a chance. And will always do, if we're married.
Me: I normally sleep in an upside down position. Will you promise to bear with that?
Di: Don't worry. I'll sleep in that upside down position too.
Me: And one more thing, I like to sleep without my bra and underwear. Will you promise to put up with that nonsensical antic?
Di: Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa wwoooooooooooooooooo!

Dots.

Did you read about ways to improve a married couple's sex life in BM today? (Malay newsp.) Well, I did. I asked my mom if she wants that package too, and her answer made me drop down and roll on the floor, laughing hard.

Sis is becoming more menggatal.

Chequie,

Mom is bitter about something. She was crying. Yes. Something that she rarely do in front of me. Nevertheless, she's bitter about something. Okay, is it necessary to repeat that one more time? Gee.

I recited the food tests all by myself when I alighted from the bus. Loudly. It's so crazy, hearing a girl saying, "Put 2cm cube of unknown solution into the test tube and add in 2cm cube of sodium hydroxide followed by drops and drops of copper sulphate till the mixture turns its colour." Oblivious towards the people around me who were staring at me, I moved on to more of the food tests. Now then I felt this urgency to knock experiments into my head. Fuckin' weird.

I re-read the short entry before this. Hmm, too childish, I suppose. Eh no, it is too childish. Too short some more, making people crave for more retaliation. No, this is no joke. It involves mind, body and soul. -.-" So maybe I'm gonna ditch that aside. And no, no, I don't want this friendship to be over, but on the second thought, if there's gonna be no more trust between two bestfriends, I see no point dragging the friendship along, because the togetherness is gone. But when I oversee this problem through a bird's eye view, it's actually very small, but the large ego in the other party caused the micro-mini problem to balloon up, causing unnecessary tensions to arise. Hence friendship ties are affected. And obviously, the one with the large ego is of course, inevitably, me. Even she said so. I can accept that, because it's true. But I don't know how to save this fruitful friendship, I see ways to salvage it though. Anyway, just to be frank and honest with you, I indeed will lose you if we aren't friends anymore though as you claimed, I have 2 other more individuals to rely on. Yes, in the end I lose you, coz you have been my bestestestestest friend for the past 4 years, and someone really great known to humanity. No matter how many friends I've got, be it a million or what to rely on, I did lose something by the end of the day. You. Like I mentioned, you're my bestfriend. So I still lose you. I'm not exaggerating things like you may think, but I'm really sorry that you think I treat you like a spare tyre or whatnot. I know it's awful to feel that way, but how many times must I apologize to you? I've known you for long and yet I can't possibly dispense my apologies without meaning it? Come on, I've known you so much. I know what you despise and loath. Yes, I know things are not gonna be the same again if we're friends like normal. You're bitter about him coming in between. I agree I'm remorseful over what happened. I'm bitter over this too. I can't blame you if you found someone a billion times better than me or something, I know you deserve someone new. Once again, I'm very sorry. Please ignore the tone here. Just pretend I'm blogging it monotonously.

Chequie,

That previous entry is NOT MEANT for her. But I'm sorry if it offended you, girl. Seriously it's not dedicated to you.

Nevertheless, I did what I was supposed to do.

But if she still don't wanna forgive my mistake, I guess it's the end of everything.

Bye beautiful friendship, Bye sweet memories, Hello life-without-bestfriends.

Stupid tears. I hate you for coming out.

Chequie,

Part 2 of today. So I went grocery shopping with mom just now, it was one of my most excruciating torturous time of my life.

I was hesitant to follow mom, thinking it'll be okay to stay at home and do the household chores while she do the shopping, but then since the kiddies will be tagging her along, I think she needs an extra help. Okay. So I dressed up and we went there by bus. I slept in the bus. Then my mom told me to bring the 2/3 of the kiddies to MacDonald's while she bring the toddler with her. Okay dah gitu takpe. So she handed 15 bucks to me to spent at McDonald's. Ho-hum. Finally, a slice of heaven, I thought. I bought the kiddie Happy Meal for the irritating pair and McSpicy Double EVM for myself. I nearly killed that auntie for being so stingy with the chilli sauce. When I asked for more, she only gave me 2 more packets of chilli sauce. Then I asked my brother to go and take some more, but being the most selenge-st person in the whole wide world, he kept turning to me, having doubts about asking for the bloody sauce and when the auntie asked him what he wants, he practically WHISPERED to her that he wants chilli sauce!! KNN. I nearly flung my tray to him okay. It's so bloody irritating, if at home he could scream his ass off without anyone needing it but outside, you practically have to begggg him to raise his voice a little louder to finally hear his voice. Double KNN. I thought the helluva torture moment was finally over, but I was enormously wrong. The kids had to embarass me by running around the place, thinking that the place is an amusement park or something. I had a hard time stopping them and getting their asses back to their seats and eeeaaaatttt. The delivery men were staring at us, thinking that I'm putting up some entertaining drama here. KNN. I had an uncontrollable urge to throw a chair to them. Esp this uncle in his mid 40s, one of the delivery men, who kept looking at me like some motherfucking pervert. Cb.. And I was fuckin' agitated coz mom took nearly an hour to do the shopping. I nearly died of boredom there.

The moment she got back, only to realise that my baby brother was L-O-S-T. Had a panicky time looking for that irritating toddler, but all along he was at a bakery shop. !#$%^&*() To make things worst, mom had to give me a 5-minute lecture about not taking care of the kids properly and stuff. KNN. So I flagged a cab and we went home. But few metres before we reached our home, I happened to take the usual route when mom scolded me from the back seat, asking me why I didn't take the other route to my home, claiming that it would be faster if we follow her route. The taxi driver was confused by our mixed directions, nevertheless I urged the driver to follow MY route. I pity that driver though, coz I was literally scolding him at that time. Innocent sia.

Fuckin irritating.

Chequie,

I am at the highest point of anger now. Really, really high.

Why do they make me seem like I'm a fuckin' liar who goes around spinning tales.. bla bla bla. Motherfucker. Was so offended that I turned down everyone who messaged me at MSN. Fuck you.

Going grocery shopping with mum later. Up to you whether to believe it or not. Oh no no, you're not gonna believe, coz I'm a liar! =O Fuck off.

Everything from where I go and who I chatted with and what I am talking about and why I still keep him in my Friendster and even his testimonials. Fine. Don't trust me ever again.

gone with the wind.

Chequie,

The picture on the right (featuring the 'sexy legs') is MINE okay. Not the designer's one. Fyi, I actually changed the original picture (which features Simple Plan) into a large collage of pictures that features R.E.T.R.I.B.U.T.I.O.N. Come to think of it, it had all our, all the three of us' pictures in it, it depicts a collage of conflicting memories. It's pretty depressing when I took a second look on it, all the pain beneath the smiles. So, when I realised that I'm emptying tears worth a million buckets, I quickly change the picture into this one, the current 'sexy legs' picture.

Ouch.

I think I'm gonna die for overdosing paracetamols.

Watching us falling apart is ever so heartbreaking. Maybe I'm exaggerating things here, I won't want to say who's right or who's wrong, well, oh shit, here it comes. The fuckin misunderstanding. Ooh my, I'm ever so drama-mama. Go to my profile, you're gonna see me smirking, with a neat slogan 'Drama Queen' sprawled on the top of my egoistical self. Ahh fuck, I'm sucha fuckin' "exaggerat-or" (if there's such a word) Dahla, talking shit now.

Amira: Maybe what you see on that day isn't what you think. But howells, if you think you're the right one, I can't stop you.

It's predictable if you're gonna say that I prioritize my boyfriend more than you or whatnot, I can't stop your brain for emitting such messages. I'm neutral, but you have every rights to be disappointed in me. Good luck for your prelims, by the way. Thanks for everything.

Chequie,

I still can't get over the argument. Her words still stung and I swore the kids watched us in fear. Okay, it may be a big deal that both of us are menstruating at the same time, therefore the anger level rose up to the max, but then she doesn't hafta treat me like a robot with high IQ or something. So when I couldn't bolt in the fan after cleaning it, I simply threw the bolt to the fan blades and broke down and cried. It was a depressing situation, I tell you. She was on the other room, spewing words of anger. Few minutes after that, I packed up my books and stuffs and called Di out. Then I left the house without any word.

He was in the same situation too. The moment he got here, I burst into tears, silently. I constantly turned my head away while wiping the glistening tears away from my face. Hannie, I am weak. I could not supress my disappointment any longer. I couldn't refuse to cry. So I cried my eyes out. I opened the books and studied, as the urgency about the prelims next week was greatly overwhelming me. He was there, his thoughts wandering far away from where he was. Both of us were in dilemma. Huge dilemma. Dilemma of running away. Dilemma of escaping from the torturing truth.

His cousins called. They invited us to go to Escape. I was hesitant in the first place, but thinking that I couldn't possibly go moody for the rest of my lives. So yeah, both of us went there, like absolute sheeps and camels. My first impression towards his female cousins was very mean- "like minahs." But then my impression proved me wrong. To a stranger's point of view, they may look like one, but they are actually not. They are nice people, you see. Got me in tuned so quickly. Took brain-spinning rides like Inverter and some other irritating rides that caused me to have a great temptation to crouch to a corner and puke. Soon, more and more rides created a sense of euphoria that washed over my body. I found myself screaming like an idiotic camel with his female cousins. They are twins, by the way. All 7 of us went to this Haunted House, or more likely the Irritating House, where I was scared the shit out of me and was screaming and walking with my eyes closed. He told me that he couldn't breathe due to my strong grip. Ooh man, so sorry, I was really shaking at that time. The so-called ghost was chasing after us, you know, that made me nearly got knocked out. Ya, I could actually faint there.

Took the Panasonic ride where one of the twins lost her handphone. Had to wait for quite a while before I saw her agitated mother scolding her all the way to the place. I pitied her anyway. Luckily she got her handphone back before she was in the mood again. Then the other twin and both of us went to the go-kart thing and I got stucked for 2 times up there, one of them for helping another rider get 'un-stucked'. Aah forget it. Nevertheless I enjoyed it. Makes me wanna be a racer. Cooool. And he caught my crazy hair. Flying at all directions. MALU sia.

Then they all wanted to go to the Haunted Irritating house but then I refused. So the twins and I went to the 'cup' ride and laughed and screamed like maniacs and we confessed that we're having fun with each other. Gerek sia the twins. One of them suggested to flinging the hands up in the air. But tak menjadi. After the ride we wanted to have a second round, but then a bloody mishap should happen. My period overflowed. I was horrified and stood there without any words before I forced him to run to the toilet and get some tissues while I pulled his sweater off and covered my jeans. The second round passed off. I went home after that and he sent me home. ........................... Something left me smiling and kept me in a daze. Ok. Shh.

KAMBING.

Chequie,

Today is the worst day of my life.

I feel like going up to the highest storey and flung myself down. Commit suicide. If committing suicide isn't sinful or painful, I would have done that long time ago.

Their words hurt me so much like my heart being impaled by strong, sharp poles. My eyes stung, I cried badly in the room alone and blasted the music to drown my sorrows.

I truly madly deeply hate them.

Chequie,

I have been going out with Di for 2 days in a row. Yeah, it's a good thing. Can't get enough of you. =X (Ey please la, don't think otherwise k.)

Yesterday we went to Pasir Ris Park, intended to like, sit down and ttaaalllkkkkkk. But then, we rented bicycles and zoom! Cycled like motherfuckers. Kept on speeding, like speedy gonzales gitu. He kept threatening me to hit me so that I'll fall down coz I kept on bleating like a sheep. Heh. I can't stand slow ridings, like cina mati like that. Then we stopped to buy Dutch Chocolate, damn it's so nice, but then this kambing here kept on complaining, said that the coffee is too bland la... nyek2 arh this kambing. Mbek2 betol.

Then after that he sent me home.. Called him at night, talked like true sheeps. Bla3, then my mom came back home. So too bad, gotta put down the phone and SSLLLEEEPPPP like a camel.

Ahh, that was yesterday. Today?

So today it was raining camels and sheeps. Had to wait until 1.30pm for the rain to stop (not fully) before meeting Di at 2. Rushed like an exhausted camel, brought my books along and ran to the place. He was in a red sweater (damn he's so hhoooottttttt). I was strucked for a while. Err ok. Dah diam. Then we took 17 go Pasir Ris AGAIN. This time we didn't rent any bike, instead, being the true camel and sheep, we sat on an extremely wet bench and watched a young couple set up a huge tent and made dirty assumptions to what the couple might be doing inside the tent. Khemah goyang la, roboh la.. bla3. It was raining la at that time. Romantic eh gitu, sitting under the rain, drinking and eating chips like true camel and sheep. Serious! We were in the rain, my head under the hood and his head under his forever-black cap. Talked like ngokngeks. Then he took out his glass bottle, and smashed it. I know he's totally drunk at that time. Same like me lah. A drunk camel and a drunk sheep. Ngok nyer kambing. =X

Then we intended to go TM, already alighted outside TM when suddenly this kambing said that he wanna chill at my void deck there. Okay so we took 17 home and again, talked. Ngokngekngokngek and realised that it was time to go home. Dread. When we reached under my void deck I can't seem to let him go, so we walked an extra mile, 2 bustops away before I finally took 17 back home. "-.- Ahh yes I forgot. Before that right..................... hmm................................ Heh. Dah diam you kambing. Mbek2. -nervous-

Okay. Can't say anymore further. Except that I miss Di, Amira and Hannie so much I think I can die now. Ok? Ok.

**BTW sis if you're reading this, mak just lectured me just now. Involving you. KNN right. OK.

Chequie,

I'm just reluctant to tell him the truth. THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH. But then, no matter how much he pesters me to tell him all that, I won't. I don't want the news to affect his thinking and stuff, if it's too traumatising for me, then what about him? I don't want this to affect our relationship, Di. Sorry, ok.

Dah. I think I'm gonna complete my social studies assignment. I abandoned it halfway cuz at 11.15am, someone called me, strucked me a question that left me hanging up the phone, ran to the toilet and cried my eyes out. Sad sad bits of news.

Sorry sis, for appearing nonchalant to you when you talked to me.